The New Member
by MyStErIo-LoVeR
Summary: Evolution decides they need a new member. Who will it be?
1. The Question

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello, this might seem like a kinda stupid story but that's okay. I was bored in Algebra class so that's why I wrote this. Lol. Please read and review!  
  
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"Triple H, my one, my only, my NOSE... Have I got a proposition for you!" Ric Flair said as he burst, a little too energetically for someone as ancient as he, into the lockerroom.  
  
"Really now. What is it?" The Nose said, barely glancing up from his newspaper.  
  
"I figured out what Evolution is missing!"  
  
"Evolution is missing something? Ric, Evolution is EVERYTHING."  
  
"Well, yes, of course my Nose, but not everything."  
  
"It has everything! Haven't you seen Randy's..."  
  
"No, Nose, no! We are missing a woman!"  
  
"Ahh!! Randy's better than a woman!"  
  
"No, wooooooooooo, shut up my Nose! We need something new! You know, you can't....evolve...without a woman!"  
  
"Well fine... Who do you suggest we ask to join out elite, nose-run group?"  
  
Batista walks in and trips over a piece of paper on the floor. "Shit!"  
  
"What? Woooo!!"  
  
"My toe is broken." Batista said.  
  
"Why?" asked HHH.  
  
"Didn't you see me trip?"  
  
"No! I am thinking about the group as a whole, not just you!"  
  
"Fine then!" Batista said then went in the corner and started sobbing.  
  
"Hey, Dave, we might be getting a new member to Evolution. Got any ideas or suggestions?"  
  
"No, I don't care about you anymore!!"  
  
"Aww, Dave, sure you do. Please, do it for the team."  
  
"Why don't you ask RANDY? He's better than me, and bigger..."  
  
"Okay, SHUT UP! Ric, once again, who do you suggest we ask to join our elite group?"  
  
"Umm, you see, my nose, I haven't figured THAT out yet. I thought I would ask yours truly."  
  
"Okat, ask yourself then and tell me what you decide." Trips said exasperately, "And stop smoking the crack!"  
  
"Woooooo! What? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Wooo, wooooooo, wooo woooo!"  
  
"Okay, I've decided."  
  
"Congratulations."  
  
"I think we should invite Victoria!"  
  
"Ack! What! Are you insane?"  
  
"Er....maybe. That's not the point, though.."  
  
"Why would you have Victoria join our elite group?"  
  
"She's really great, I mean...insane like me, a champion like you-u...oops! I mean, Randy, and overall a good competitor. We could probably teach her how to cheat, and whatever else..."  
  
"Ugh....Right, Flair, right. How about Molly Holly?"  
  
"Well...no! She's bald and fat-"  
  
"I am partial to fat women and Molly Holly is not fat so shut up."  
  
"SHUT UP!!" Batista yelled from his corner, "You two sound like two old bitches who can't agree on anything! Just shut up!"  
  
"Maybe you need to leave, Dave. You really just need to calm down."  
  
"No, you don't care aobut me!"  
  
"What! What! You people are breaking the law!" Stone Cold entered the room.  
  
"What! I-"  
  
"Stop taking my f-ing lines, too!"  
  
"Okay, have you seen Randy's..."  
  
"Shut up you sick old bastard!"  
  
"I'm not breaking the law, Steve, so why don't you get out of here?" HHH stated.  
  
"Why don't you make me?"  
  
"Hey, Steve, old buddy, my Nose won't bother you anymore if you just leave right now." Flair said.  
  
"YOUR nose, I think Triple H's nose would bother me before yours..."  
  
Flair stared at him dumbly.  
  
Five minutes later Flair was still staring as Steve dumbly.  
  
"What's wrong with you? Ain't you gunna say anything, anything at all?"  
  
"Triple H is my nose. Triple H is my nose. Triple H is my nose. Triple H is my nose. Triple H is my nose. Triple H is-"  
  
"Argh!! Shut up you silly bastard! How much crack have you been smoking today?"  
  
"Well, I had twelve pancakes."  
  
"Pancakes. You had pancakes. Why do I give a flying fuck about pancakes?!"  
  
"Well, I dunno," he said innocently, "I thought you cared about my welfare..." and he started sobbing.  
  
"What the HELL!" Stone Cold exits the room.  
  
"Heh, that was pretty good, eh, my Nose?"  
  
"Er...sure. Now back to business you retard. Seriously, who should we add to our elite group?"  
  
"Whatcha think about Trish Stratus?"  
  
"Sounds good...why don't you send Randy to ask her, and Dave to chase off Christian?"  
  
"You got it, my Nose! I'll be back soon."  
  
"Oh Flair, tell her to come here and that I just want to talk to her, not WHY I want to talk to her."  
  
Twenty minutes later, Trips is marching back and forth in the room, as no one has returned yet. "He probably got lost," he thought to himself, "I should probably go look for Trish myself.."  
  
So saying...thinking...Trips took off down the hall towards the women's lockerroom.  
  
"Trish! Trish, where are you?!" He yelled around. "Ric, where the FUCK are you?!"  
  
"Hello, my Nose!" Ric said coming out of a closet to his left, and scaring the crap out of him.  
  
"What the fuck! Have you found Trish or what?"  
  
"No, but I lost Randy and Dave already."  
  
"Go figure."  
  
"Firgure what? Figure four? Figure four who? WOOOOOOO!"  
  
"Ugh....just SHUT UP!"  
  
"Okay...okay...WOOOOO!" Flair said through dentured teeth as he walked away.  
  
"Some help he was!" Trips thought to himself, disgusted. He started yelling for Trish again.  
  
  
  
"Will you please shut up, you big nose?" Molly Holly yelled out.  
  
"Shut up, baldie, I'm looking for Trish."  
  
"Why, you want a concubine?"  
  
"No, you freak, I want to ask her something."  
  
"Well, she's in the parking lot with Christian. Have fun." She said with a laugh.  
  
"Goody." He thought to himself as he headed for the parking lot. He started yelling for Trish again, once there, and soon a very harried looking Trish appeared.  
  
"What do you want, stupid?" she asked.  
  
"Who you calling stupid, stupid?"  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"Well okay... I wanted to ask you something."  
  
"What is it this time? I'm not going to sleep with YOU." she said looking him over.  
  
"Trish, what are you doing?" Christian asked, walking up to the pair.  
  
"Nothing, Triple H just wanted to talk to me about something."  
  
"Yeah, could you just fuck off for a while, 'peep'?" Trips jumped in.  
  
"Fine. Trish, don't let him take advantage of you!" and he walked away.  
  
"Okay, what the rest of Evolution and myself were thinking was that we need something new, something better...Something like you...to help us dominate the sports entertainment industry. So, whaddaya say?" 


	2. The Decision

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello and thank you for the reviews I really appreciate them. Keep reviewing and let me know what you think of this chapter.  
  
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Trish stood there, shocked. "What?"  
  
Triple H punched Stone Cold, who happened to be walking past at the time, before he could say anything about slogan infringement.  
  
"We want you to join our elite group." HHH repeated.  
  
"Wow...Well, I have to think about that... I'll talk to Christian and get back to you."  
  
"Don't let that bastard influence you. With Evolution, you could be something. With Evolution, everything's big. With Evolution... you could be something big, too."  
  
"Okay, thanks Trips." She walked away.  
  
"MY NOSE!" Ric said running up from behind HHH.  
  
Triple H jumped. "What?"  
  
By that time, Stone Cold had recovered from his punch and stood up. Trips was distracted by Ric, so he punched him then fled, leaving Ric Flair wooing in dismay.  
  
Meanwhile, down the hall (to the left, to be exact), Trish was chatting with Christian.  
  
"I don't believe it, Trish!"  
  
"I know, but what do you think I should do?"  
  
"Well... I think maybe you shouldn't take his offer. I mean, It's Triple H and he's stupid. It might be a trick..."  
  
"Hm... but I'll be close to Randy Orton and Batista! That's gotta be-" She stopped dead in her train of thought as she noticed the look on Christian's face.  
  
"Fine, I see the way it is. Triple H always wants Filthy, Disgusting, Dirty, Brutal, Bottom-Feeding, Trash Bag Hos. First Stephanie, now you. So just go! I don't want you around here!" Christian said disgustedly as Trish looked at him, shocked once more.  
  
Christian turned and stomped off towards the parking lot. Trish, with tears in her eyes, bit her lip and went off to find Triple H; she had made her decision.  
  
It didn't take her long. Ric was still wooing very loudly, because Triple H's nose was swelling to two times it's normal size. If you can believe it's possible for his nose to get any larger... He was still unconscious, by the way.  
  
"Ric! Ric! Shut up for a minute!" Trish yelled over his incessant noise.  
  
He got silent. "What do you want?"  
  
"What do you think? And...What happened to him?" She asked, indicating HHH.  
  
"He...WOOOO! He got punched by Stone Cold. WOOOOhooohooooo woooo!" Ric admitted woefully.  
  
Just then Trips came to...partially due to Trish kicking him. He uttered some expletives before standing up. "What?" he asked, then realized his mistake and looked around for Stone Cold. Not seeing him, he turned to Trish and awaited her response.  
  
"Triple H, I have decided to join Evolution."  
  
"Excellent. Did you hear that, Ric?"  
  
"Wooo!! Woooooooooooooooooo! Hurray!! Wooooo!" and he ran off down the hallway screaming woo along the way.  
  
"So... what do I do now?" Trish asked cautiously. She still wasn't sure what she had gotten herself into.  
  
"Well, you can come out to the ring with me if you want. I'm going to introduce our newest member." he said with a grin.  
  
She smiled back at him, a bit unconvincingly, and chose to follow him to the ring.  
  
A boring, 15-minute promo begins. Trish begins to wonder what she was thinking... Triple H is so boring. That's right, boring. The crowd beings to chant boring, and finally he reaches his point.  
  
"Now, I want you all to welcome the newest member of Evolution. She's standing here in this ring, she's formerly a slut, and a three time Internet babe of the year- not to be confused with any talking pigs- TRISH STRATUS!!!"  
  
King was going crazy at the announcer's table. He jumped up and started doing some very frightening dance. Meanwhile, the crowd was a mix of disgust and approval.  
  
As they were walking backstage, Trips became taken with the idea of playing a joke on the rest of Evolution. Plotting with Trish, they came up with an interesting idea.  
  
Coming into the lockerroom, the two saw Ric sitting and talking to himself...or, wooing to himself, actually.  
  
"Ric!" Trips yelled to get Ric out of his comatose state.  
  
"Woo!?"  
  
"Ric, where the hell are the other two?"  
  
"Woooooooooooooooooooo."  
  
"Ric, English is preferable."  
  
"Trish, have you seen Randy's-"  
  
"Answer the damn question, Ric!"  
  
"I don't think you should be talking like a teacher."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Okay, where are Randy and Dave?"  
  
"They went off to watch some movie..."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Some room down the hall."  
  
With that, Trips went into the hall to hear Johnny Depp shrieking in desparation, "Why is the rum gone?!"  
  
Assuming that was where they were located, he opened the door. "Randy, Dave, get out here, we need to talk."  
  
There were others from the RAW roster watching the movie, so immediately there were shouts of, "Shut up! The movie's on!" and "What are you, going out together, or what?!"  
  
Soon Randy and Batista came outside of the movie room, complaining.  
  
"Shut up about the movie, and come back to the room with me, I have some things to talk to you about."  
  
"But Johnny Depp is so hot!" Randy said.  
  
"Orlando Bloom, too!"  
  
Triple H stood there staring at them. He looked absolutely horrified. "What is your PROBLEM?!"  
  
"I can't help it..." Randy said.  
  
"Me either. They're so-"  
  
"Shut up!" He began screaming. "You guys are so fucking messed up, why did I let you in my group?!"  
  
"Because you love us?"  
  
"Um... no! Because you're good wrestlers and I needed a power team."  
  
"What?! You only wanted us for money?! That's it! I quit!" Randy screamed.  
  
"Me, too." Batista put in then quickly re-entered the room where now could be heard Johnny Depp saying solemnly, "I know, clap him in irons, right?"  
  
Triple H walked sadly back to the lockerroom where he had a psychopath waiting for him. Oh, and Trish.  
  
When he opened the door, he told the two about Rnady and Dave quitting.  
  
"What? You're joking! They wouldn't quit!" Trish screeched. "If they quit, I quit because I don't want to be in a group with a psychopath and a big NOSE!"  
  
Meanwhile Ric Flair was wooing incessantly. And I mean non-stop. He just never shut up. Trish slammed the door and HHH fell on the ground sobbing.  
  
"The world has come to an end!" he sobbed.  
  
"Not really, my nose. Just Evolution. We'll be okay though, right?" Ric said.  
  
"No, we won't. I'm going to die! Die die die!"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Who are you telling to shut up, crack head?"  
  
"Who do you think?"  
  
"Fine, I'm leaving. I'm going to get Stephanie and form my own faction!" he exited the room, slamming the door.  
  
"Wooooooooooooooo.......wooo woooo woooooooooo." Ric wooed sadly. He was heartbroken. "I am absolutely alone and sad and no one's with me and I'm going to cry!" So saying, he began crying.  
  
Trish came back in the room. "What's the matter? Where did Triple H go?"  
  
"He went away to the foo foooo! Wahhhhh!! Wooooooo...."  
  
"The foo foo? What the fuck is that?"  
  
"It's not what, it's who...wooooooooo."  
  
"Okay, WHO the fuck is that?"  
  
"Not sure."  
  
"Didn't he tell you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Why don't you remember?"  
  
"Because I'm having a heart attack!! Wooooo!! Woo wowooooowowowooowowwowowowowooooooooo!" He then collapsed on the floor in seizures and fits of wooing which were totally out of his control.  
  
"Oh." And she then ran off to call an ambulance. Well, maybe, you never know what she's really up to. Within minutes paramedics rushed into the room where Ric was busy convulsing.  
  
Trish had come with the paramedics and just now rushed out to find either Triple H or others from the former Evolution. She abruptly ran into the door and fell over, but got up and continued running down the hall.  
  
Soon the members of Evolution were all headed for the local hospital. As they entered the ward, the doctor was talking to Ric.  
  
"Okay, weeotch ya'll needa get up off that crack sheot yo yo conprende ese dudio? No mo' o dat crack sheot, ya hearin' me?!"  
  
"Mmmffff. Mmmmmmmmmmmff."  
  
"Argh! You bitch! What did you do to him that he can't talk any more?!" Triple H ran in screaming.  
  
"What-izzle be ya talkin' 'bout up in here, homie g?"  
  
"He usually speaks woo-ish but now he speaks mmf-ish!"  
  
"Be ya on dat crack sheot, too?"  
  
"Oh no, he's on steroids!" Trish said.  
  
Triple H scowled. "That's not true. I do not take steroids."  
  
"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate!" Randy said.  
  
"What the fuck?!" Triple H asked.  
  
"Oh, he's reminiscing about Pirates of the Caribbean!" Trish said.  
  
"Who asked you?"  
  
"You?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"Who then?"  
  
"Randy!"  
  
"My nooooooooooseeee..." Ric moaned.  
  
"You can speak! Party!"  
  
"Yeah so shut up.. I'm about to die, bitch."  
  
Trips looked shocked and Batista started crying.  
  
"Shut up." Trish said.  
  
"No... he's gunna die and that's sad! Waaaaaaaaaahahahaahhahahahahaahahaaaaaaaaa!"  
  
"Shut up! You must listen to my dying wish- I demand it!"  
  
"Shuuuuuush." Triple H shouted then ran to Ric's bedside..  
  
"Trips...My lovely nose, you must create Evolution again...for me! You must remember me, my nose, please!" With that, Ric was dead.  
  
"Yo shizzle ba dizzle fizzle grizzle! Why did he die?!"  
  
Everyone stared blankly at him.  
  
"Well... you're the DOCTOR so shouldn't YOU know?" Trish asked.  
  
"I'm a doctor? What? Naw naw naw, bo dizzle izzle shizzle!" and he ran out the door.  
  
"What now?" Trips asked.  
  
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: There's the chapter. Really psycho, eh? I'm trying to decide if this was the last chapter, or if I should write more. Hmm.. 


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